Michael Likes Fishing

 Hello, I am Dane and this is my blog about Michael from work. :)

Michael is a right-wing bogan sociopath who I work with occasionally when I do some data entry for our cleaning firm. He wears a hat that says Shimano with his business shirt and levis which have a stain above the right knee which I assume to be fish guts because all he ever talks about is fishing. It suggests to me that he doesn’t take work as seriously as he takes fishing. Once he asked to borrow my staple remover, so I gently slid it to him across the desk. He took this as me throwing it at him, and said, “Just fucking throw it at me next time!” I thought he would rather I didn’t… So once he had finished with it he threw it hard at the back of my head. It probably normally wouldn’t have been an issue, but I was drinking coffee at the time of impact and it caused me to spill coffee down my front. I tried to wash my shirt in the bathroom, but it was just no good.

Sometimes I remind him of this when he asks to borrow things, and I’m swiftly told to go and fuck myself because I started it. He’s a little hard to talk to, but we are good friends. For example, once a month on a Friday we will have lunch together.

On one such occasion Michael suggested we should go to the pub and have a couple of beers. When we got there Michael realised he had left his wallet at work, so I paid and we enjoyed a nice lunch together over a couple of pints. During lunch Michael questioned my ability to “pick up chicks.” I told him matter of factly that I would be meeting one for dinner the following evening. Michael’s reply was, “What’s his name, faggot?” And let out a big belly laugh before downing the remainder of his beer and sending me to the bar for another round.

Today Michael has informed me that I will need to drive him to and from work for 3 months as he’s lost his licence for DUI. This consists of driving 15 minutes south of my house to pick him up and then driving 45 minutes north to work. So on top of the 8 hours we spend together at work, we will now have an extra 2 hours together so he can tell me about his fishing adventures.

- Dane.